The closer it looks to becoming a reality that Barack Obama might be our next president, the more I hear the chatter surrounding the notion that he would surely be assassinated if he ever came close to being our next president. I imagine, I’m not sure, but I imagine people believe this because Barack Obama is black. And some people hate black people. So, the thinking goes, some person who hates black people will shoot the black Barack Obama and kill him.

            Now, as we all know, in the event a president gets shot and killed it his second in command who takes over the post of president. So, what better way to prevent an assassination attempt than to appoint a strategically chosen Vice President–a number two cleverly determined to be the ultimate, unassailable deterrent? Which is why, drum-roll please, I propose that Barack name the following individual as his running mate: Djimon Hounsou.

            Yes, the actor. Djimon Hounsou. You might know him from his roles in Amistad, Blood Diamond, Gladiator, and Barbershop. And if you do, then you know one thing about Mr. Hounsou, and if you don’t, there is one thing you must know about Mr. Hounsou to make this make any sense at all; he is really, really black. As black as black can be. If he was any blacker, he would be a hole. He is a no-doubt-about-it black man. Which is why he’d be the perfect compliment to Obama.

            You see, when they are standing up on that podium together, and the racist nut-case with his sniper rifle must choose who to shoot, which one do you think he is going to pick? Hounsou all of a sudden makes Obama the lesser of two evils. He will help reveal Barack’s true colors. Hounsou is so dark that Obama would, to bigots far and wide, become almost palpable.

            When picking a second in command you want to decide on someone who will bring out the best in you. In this case, Hounsou will bring out the fact that maybe Barack isn’t really that black after all. His caramel will appear a lot tastier when compared to Hounsou’s chocolate. His dirt will look a lot softer a landing spot than Hounsou’s asphalt. Barack will look that much brighter against that all black background of Djimon’s.

            Plus, Mr. Hounsou is so wonderfully well-spoken. And he brings such an intensity to each and every role he plays. He is such a commanding presence. Did you know that he’s been nominated for two academy awards? What other Vice Presidential candidate can say that? It’s not like I’m picking just any shlub who happens to have dark skin. Djimon is a terrific actor.

            Also, why not have the first African-American man to run for President run alongside a real live African-American man? Do you see the symmetry there, it’s beautiful. Obama/Hounsou. That’s got a good ring to it. It almost blends into one word. That sounds like a delicious stew. Or a sleek Japanese sword.

            We do not only want to protect Barack, we want him to thrive. This is why it is essential he have a very, very black Vice President. There is no other way he could possibly be safe, or successful. Unless, of course, he went with a Jew or Latino, but let’s not be ridiculous.

As the old adage goes: the darker the vice, the sweeter the presidential juice it will squeeze. A wind of change is blowing, and we must blacken the air to make sure it sticks. A new day is dawning in this nation, and with it we must welcome a new night as well.

With the darker-than-dark Djimon Hounsou as Vice President–representing the would-be result of an Obama assassination and the alternative to an Obama reign–it will force every racist, supremacist and kkkrazy to acknowledge and adhere to the accepted tenet that, “Once you go Barack, you never go back.” In this case, they’ll have no choice.